When I Make a Comment in Class
Every time I decide to make a comment in class, I feel like I am risking my life. This is probably a twisted view of the world, but it is the truth. When I decide to answer or ask a question, I know that the course of my life depends upon the reaction of the class and particularly the instructor. If the reaction is positive, I know that my life is going to go well (until I make another comment). If the reaction is negative, I know that I will consider taking my life, and someday perhaps I will. This might sound dramatic, but it is the truth about the way I think about the world around me and myself. I have known this truth for a long time, and this is a main reason I do not usually make comments. I usually try to answer my own questions outside of class, or ask the instructor during office hours or during other times.
I wish I could just live in a place that has no other human beings! Actually, if it was just my sister or my mother, I would be fine with it. But having to live among hundreds of human beings is extremely draining, and my life is at stake every time I step onto the campus or even just out my front door.
But someday, I will find a small house in the woods and write for a living. This way, when I receive hate mail, I will not feel as powerful an urge to take my own life, as I would when facing a large crowd. I will write under a pen name so nobody knows who I am. I will be able to go into the trees anytime I want and become one with nature. I can see it now. This would be my dream life.