I am a thinker and a writer, and I study the universe.

A Purposeless Life?

I have recently quit my job because I was feeling too suicidal there. It always ends like this! When I was 18, I was in the Utah National Guard. I was discharged a few months after I joined (never making it to Basic Training) because I had attempted suicide twice. So I was no good in the military. Then I joined a job training program, from which they released me after admitting myself to a psychiatric ward two times in two months. So I was no good in the job training program either. A little while later, I reapplied to the program and got in again. I had already met my current employer at this training place, and he hired me and my sister after we applied with him. Even with my sister with me, I still felt suicidal there. And now I wonder what I can do. If I end up feeling suicidal doing anything, then what else is there to do? I have a purposeless life. Yes, I have school to look forward to. But if I can’t contribute anything to the world through my schooling, then what is the point of having it? If I cannot contribute anything to my family, then what is the point of staying alive?

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