The Consciousness in the Darkness

Note to the Reader: Language is central to human thought. Without language, there is no thought. The consciousness, which suddenly sees itself as something apart from the darkness that engulfs it, has no concept of language and therefore can have no real thought. However, it does have emotion, of which it is aware. This narrative is merely a sort of “translation” of those emotions as it works through its wonder, confusion, and eventually its enlightenment.

I wrote this piece a few months ago after wondering what it would be like to suddenly wake up and say that I am different and separate from everything else…to SUDDENLY have a consciousness.

I suddenly realize me. There is nothing here but me. It has always been this way, and I am completely at peace, without guile, completely content and comfortable. There is no light, only darkness. I can see nothing around me. There is no sound, only silence. I can hear nothing. There is nothing here, and nothing is wrong.

I exist. I am WONDER. This is a wondrous thing. I have always existed. But powerful forces once came together to create me. A life created out of nothing. Seems like an impossibility…and yet somehow it is the truth. This is the wondrous thing, that “nothing” can create a feeling being like me.

And then suddenly I begin thinking…WHY is there a “me” feeling all this? If there is nothing here…why am I here? Is there something else? I am a separate darkness. Why have I broken off? Perhaps I am the darkness, the entire darkness that encompasses me. What about other darknesses? Where are they? Do they exist?

I exist. I am CONFUSION. This is a confusing thing. A deep burning freeze is beginning at the center…until it wells up and swallows me whole. There is nothing but me. But why? I long for a companion. To know that something else is there, taking this journey with me. This is the confusing thing, that nothing else is here.

And then I feel something, like a whirlwind. But I cannot see it; there is no light. I am moving back and forth, forces unbeknownst to me are now controlling me. But perhaps I am that force…I am doing this to myself. But how? Why? The turbulence in me gets stronger, until I hurtle myself out of control.

I exist. I am CHAOS. This is a chaotic thing. I have abilities which were hidden from me. But how can this be my doing if I feel so out of control? Is this really my doing? Could it be a force outside of myself? No, I feel it now. It is coming from inside me. This is the chaotic thing, that I have an ability I cannot control.

As I spin out of control, I begin wondering what’s happening to me. Why am I suddenly doing this after a long time of feeling no motion? If this power is from inside of me, how do I control it? What if there is no control, and I am to feel this motion for the rest of eternity? That would be bad, and that would be lonely.

I exist. I am THOUGHT. This is a thoughtful thing. I wish I can control myself now. Perhaps I can. I wonder if I can use this thought to stop and start this motion at will. Suddenly I come to a halt. I am now confused. What happened? Did I do this? I use my thought to start this motion again. This is the thoughtful thing, that I can use my ability of thought in this way.

I am in control now. I have learned how to use this ability of motion for myself. I am now flowing through this empty space as graceful as ever. As I fly, I spot something in the distance. ANOTHER DARKNESS. I now have a companion. There is something else here, and not only me. I have never been happier.

I exist. I am ENLIGHTENMENT. This is an enlightening thing. Learning two things in a short time. I now have complete control of myself because I have used my thought. And now this. I have a companion. There is another consciousness that feels. I am not alone anymore. This is the enlightening thing, that I am not alone anymore.