I am a thinker and a writer, and I study the universe.

What Has Led Up to This?

The University of Utah’s Neuropsychiatric Institute (UNI) is one of the biggest mental health institutions in Salt Lake City, UT, housed in the U of U. They have recently built a new building and created a new program called the Receiving Center, which is an outpatient program for those who need a safe place to stay for only a day or two to get better. It is completely free! I spent last night there, and it has helped to calm me; I no longer feel an impulse to hurt myself.

But what has led up to this point? What have I been doing wrong? The answer is, everything! I have not been to counseling or taken any kind of medication or did any kind of stress relieving exercises. The last time I was in counseling was in June 2012, but I didn’t do much to help myself at that time. I just suddenly quit after a month or so. Now, the new job is a source of stress for me because of the people there. Sometimes being around people makes me want to scream (but my workplace only has eight people total!). And if the people criticize me, I tend to shut down and cry. Yesterday, while I was working, I just wanted to get out of there and hurt myself. I also knew that I couldn’t. So I waited until my lunch break to admit myself into the Receiving Center. I knew that after a day or so, or even just a few hours, that I would be okay. So I stayed the night there and now I’m back to…normal, I think.

They gave me a worksheet to do called the PICBA.

Problem: State the problem as clearly as possible. In stating the problem, it helps to keep your objective clearly in mind.

Impact: What are you doing that is negatively impacting the situation or help to create the problem?

Cost/Benefits: If the problem is not resolved, what is going to happen in the short term? What’s going to happen in the long term?

Brainstorm (big actions): What are three to five possible ways to solve the problem?

Actions (small steps): What are the actions that you need to take to begin working on the solutions? To make your actions as concrete as possible, choose a possible timeline when these steps will be taken. Then you can see what you really need to do if you choose this course of action.

I felt this worksheet was very helpful. I recognized that I would probably need medication and I would especially need counseling. One of the technicians at the Receiving Center said that one way to tell if the counselor is the right one for you is if you feel comfortable talking to them about anything and everything. Legally, they cannot tell anyone else about what you say, so you shouldn’t have to worry about that, unless you say that you are going to hurt yourself or someone else.

I hope that I can recover from depression and no longer stoop in it. Well, I’m sure that I can someday.

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