I am a thinker and a writer, and I study the universe.

The Apocalypse

People, particularly from the LDS Church, tell me that it would be wonderful if the Second Coming of Christ (or the Apocalypse, if you don’t know what I mean) came sooner rather than later. My mother says that she hopes it comes this month…or at least in a few years. This country is growing worse (at least, in my opinion), where everyone will be forced to pay for something even if they don’t want or need to (particularly in healthcare). I don’t mind if gay marriage is legalized or that a few undocumented immigrants are allowed to get green cards if they’ve been in this country for at least five years or so. But I do mind it if this country starts forcing people to do something they don’t want to do; this is not what this country was founded upon. My mother told me that she read something interesting in the news: people that immigrated here twenty or thirty years ago in order to have a better life are now thinking about leaving and going back to their home country. My mother is thinking about it, but there is the situation with the house; who would pay for it?

When I was younger, I always thought it would be interesting if the Second Coming would come in my lifetime so I just won’t have to deal with the horrors of this life anymore. I know that I have had my share of doubts about whether or not I am able to make it until the end. I have attempted suicide a few times in the past, and I have been to hospitals countless times, despite being so young. However, even after a bad childhood, I am really, really hoping for a bright future, one that didn’t involve putting the mortal world to an end. I want to grow old enough to be able to publish a book or two and see the impact they have on the world. I want to grow old enough to graduate college with at least a Bachelor’s Degree, preferably a Master’s, and to start a thirty-year-long career. I want to live long enough to be able to say that my being in this world was a blessed thing. I want to live long enough to be able to experience all the things I can outside of where I live right now. I want to grow old enough to be able to tell myself that my childhood was only a small spark of my past and that I can leave it behind.

My mother is in her fifties now; she is lucky. If the Second Coming comes before I turn fifty, I’m not sure if I would feel like I have lived a sufficiently long adult life. Isn’t that what the life is all about? Being able to say that you have lived a long, fulfilling life? I want that! I want to be able to say that! Yes, sometimes life is a drag, and I still think about ending it from time to time; however, what I really want is to be able to put my past behind, and to say that my childhood was a long, long time ago. If the Second Coming comes soon, I would never be able to say that…

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